Forgiveness

“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish."

I have missed the land of Bloggyness... But I think that I have needed this break, time to grieve time to heal. Its all about timing. And this time, I feel that its all going to be ok.

I am in a place of solidarity. I am happy. Still with a little bit of sadness in my heart from what has been lost, from the heart ache I have caused.

One day, hopefully not in the too distant future we'll be all feeling at peace with the way things have turned out.

"Ruin is the road to transformation".

Elizabeth Gilbert,

EAT PRAY LOVE

I am on a path to forgiveness.... forgiving myself.

I think the only way I am going to be able to look in the mirror and smile at myself again, is to fogive myself for all that I have done in the past... For all those that I have hurt, never intentionally.

I live with alot of guilt about the path I have chosen for myself and for my children... knowing that I grew up in a family that had both my parents there for me every step of the way. My father didn't have the most active role, not compared to fathers these days, but we always knew he was there, he was the hard working provider, and I think that sometimes thats enough. To just know they are there.

In saying that I have some wonderful people in my life and that I have met along the way that have come from families that are so different, yet not wrong just that... different... Different from what I knew and grew from.

The girls father is an amazing person I would ne ver deny that he is a wonderful father, well adjusted and from such a different upbringing from my own.. and we both have so much to offer our children, the children we share. Just because we dont live together, doesn't mean we love them any less.

I think it is really important that I find a way to forgive myself.  If I'd known better, I'd have done better, that's all.

If you have lived, then you have made mistakes, it is the inevitable.

I feel as though now that I have made these mistakes, it is time to say I am sorry to the people I have injured, and then to look to myself, and and do the same.... appologise... If I continue to hold on to the mistakes will I be able to see any of my own glory in the mirror?
If I continue to hold myself accountable and not forgive then I will have the mistakes I have made sitting right between my faces and the mirror, I wont be able to see what I am truly capable of being.

I can overcome this.

Fear of the unknown

                                                   All nature is but art unknown to thee.

My previous post has a generous amount of spelling erros and words missing... but you know what... Thats how I was feeling at the time. So for now, it can stay that way.

I was and still am a little fuzzy headed.

My husband, the girls daddy arrived home last night. Pure joy filled their little bodies as their daddy hopped off that plane, ... Sadness for him and my beautiful angels filled mine..... Madeleine our youngest shrieked "Daddy" with delight, ran and sprung up into his arms. I have it on video, its such a wonderful reunion every time.

The life I have been living for the past six years has been extremely difficult at times, and I can only hope that the decision that I have come to is the right one, the right one.... for right now.

I didn't know whether I wanted to blog about it, but here I am grasping for something to hang onto, trying not to loose focus. There is a reason I have got to this point, there was something in my head, that said, It's over, I have nothing left, I cant keep living this life.

Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.

If my Husband where to discharge from the forces, and our marriage stayed the same, then I would have taken that away from him aswell.

So right now.... we are separating, he still has his job which he really enjoys and takes pride in. I love this about him, his passion is inspiring.

We have been through so much in our short marriage, but more so in the past 3 years. There has been deployment after deployment, along with having a very difficult time with our littlest allergies and asthma.

Maybe I am damaged from all the times that I have spent, wishing my husband was home to help with these things.... maybe I have just grown up... a different person to the girl he met at 15. Maybe even a different person to the one he married and had children with.

I am out of answers,

Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.

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I am tired, absolutely emotionally drained.... and I think I have been for some time... I am ready for a breather.
A week away in some open space, away from all the hussel and bussel.... The dissapointment of parenting when there is no energy left in your body to break up another scwabble, to cook another meal that is unnapreciated.... the dissapointment in myself as I feel like I have failed this marriage.

I am about to embark on a journey of the unknown. Other have made it through and out the other side. Some better off, some worse....

I am hoping for some answers, for some solace.

I dont know what lies ahead, but for now I am just going to try and live each day the best I know how, and even better at times. I am leaving the comfort of this home and moving out on my own....

I am scared and I really hope I am making the right choice... but in the end it is a choice, a decision... that I have made... one that noone else can do for me.

I feel a very hollow feeling inside of me... I reallyhope that this void can be filled some how.. some day.

Tonight I will rest... and tomorrow is another day... My little darlings 3rd Birthday party... Our baby is growing up, and I am growing with her.

Then 7 days on my own with no children by my side.... time to breath fresh country air and think of all that I have been blessed with. To return with a clear mind, ready for the journey we are about to begin...

And for now.. I am off to rest my wiery mind and body... rest and recover.

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

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I have been trying to make this post for a while,
Not being in the most emotionally stable place, has made it really difficult to sit down and write.
Whenever I go through difficult life changes that require a lot of my energy I tend to forget why I am here, and everything that makes me happy goes out the door.
I really enjoy writing, like i have said before its like therapy, and I love coming back and reading over my old posts.

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Are we not all here for the same reason, are we not here to be happy, to live the most fulfilling life of compassion and love...

I don't know if its just me, a Courtney Attribute or a just a typical human thing, but I feel that I am a pleaser, I tend to have to make sure that everyone else is ok and my needs go out the window. Everyone elses need end up being more important my own.

Then how is it possible to make the right choices and be happy when it hurts so many others for you to make these decisions... is it a matter of just waiting and eventually they will be ok, and they will accept that it was the best choice.... is it just time... time to grieve... time to heal.

There are some really significant life changing events going on right now, the hardest part being that I have to make decisions that affect others, and I am not very good at this.

I am always tip-toeing around the people I care most about and tend to end up being a little dishonest as I try to make sure they are not going to be upset with me or speak badly about me, for my views and opinions. I care so much what others think... its that role model thing.

As a child there where a few beautiful happy woman that I saw around me, that I really wanted to be like, everyone seemed to like them, they where bubbly and bright and they made me want to be just like them.

Since then I have learned that not only where they not happy, they had their own things going on and their own life stories of pain and difficult choices.


I don't know where this road is leading. Life’s going to be very different. But in the end, I cannot foresee the future, and I cannot change the past, so I am here living in the now. This very precious present.

I am trying so very hard not to eat my emotions, the planning with food etc is very difficult when you just feel like curling up in a ball and forgetting about all that needs to be done.

"Success is holding on, when you feel like letting go"

- I now have this tattooed on my my side, I will never forget it.

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"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change we seek."

- Barack Obama

So as for now, I am just trying to be that role model, the mother that I see happy and content with the small delights that children bring to our every day life. Its really difficult at this time, as there seems to be no light quite yet. But I am sure it will come, it will begin to shine through. I just have to be patient.

“You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future”

 

 

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“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday”

 

 

 

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"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials."

-- Chinese proverb

Inspiring negativity

This mornings weigh in.....

DRUM ROLL.....

59.7

FIFTY NINE POINT SEVEN

Fifty freaking nine!

I am in the fifty's, and you know what I feel AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not sure what I want to do. kiss someone, dance, sing, cry.... all of the above.. I did it, I really did it.... its all a down hill run from here everything else is a bonus, I always thought I'd be happy at 60, and I wasn't and not being in the 50's is like a whole other world.

I am pumped for an awesome full body workout this morning so off I go.

I LOVE YOU 50's. I knew this is where I belonged!

In all honesty I still have quite a lot of body fat to rid from this mummas 59.7kg body =) But I am sure this will come with time.

I had my skin folds done on Thursday for the first time since I was studying at TAFE in 2008, at the moment I am sitting on:

21% BF

I am not surprised, nor disheartened by this, just encouraged to keep, keeping on.

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Oh by the way I just wanted to reinstate again that... this journey that I am on has  ZILCH, NINE, NADA, ZERO, ZIP, NIX, RIEN =NOTHING.... To do with YOU, you or You.
SO instead of getting up tight and making nasty comments, just be fucking supportive.. ALRIGHT!!!!

The crap pushing has started..... I wont go into it too much but please people, just be supportive, if you don't like it and it makes you uneasy, please keep your comments to yourself. I will eat smelly egg whites if that's what I choose to eat, and

If you are my friend, relative, acquaintance who cares about me at all, you could.. no actually, you should be nothing but happy for me, to be reaching weight, fitness and nutrition Goals and most importantly bettering my health, and becoming that role model I speak so highly of, I want nothing more than to be the mother that I idolise.

Why is it, really why is it that the ones we love and appreciate their kindness so much more than anyone else, are the ones that always put us down, continue to make us feel as though if we are trying to better our lives, we must be doing it to make them feel bad.

WHY ON EARTH WOULD I GO TO THIS MUCH EFFORT FOR SOME ONE ELSE????

Now come on.... If you are feeling a little uneasy about my new found excitement in life, why not grab it, ask me some questions, be inspired...

Is it so bad that I am not conforming with the majority of society, that I have my own desires, my own views.

I have been ridiculed for having an opinion in the past, so here it is:

I don't give a shit what anyone thinks, this is for me.

The people that aren't supportive, only make me want it more!

Chicken tuna, Laura Harris,

my biggest inspiration,

she is straight down the line,

no crap.

A few quotes off her personal web page.

And just thought I would add this woman is 42years old! AMAZING!

"It's hard and not so much fun to give up all the good stuff. But I think it would be less fun to be aging and become a pile of lard, jiggles, and flab". Laura Harris

"How to lose those last 10 pounds? Same as the first 10.. eat right and exercise consistently!!! How to keep those pounds off? Same thing, eat right and exercise consistently"!!

Eat the boring food and have an exciting body!

A long time coming

Its been a while since I have had the time or the passion to write.

I am plodding along, the girls and I have just had quite the dog park experience, where about 30 doggies and their mums and dads congregate each afternoon, everyone knew the name of and also the characteristics of everyone elses doggy. It was quite sweet really, everyone together for the same reason, it made me smile.

I need more smiling moments in my life, moments that make all the hard work worth it.

I am just like a child I need reassurance and praise.

Time is getting to me, patience is not something I possess as I have said before, so I am at that time where this weight loss venture is getting to me, the mind games have started. I eat very well and I very rarely miss a training session, but I think the result might be lacking as I am training alone, reaching my max effort is really difficult on my own.

Time to find myself a gym buddy once we are all settled into the new house.

Time is part of life I understand this but  I believe that time is the HARDEST part of life that we have to accept, time heals most things. Time is needed for everything to fix itself. In time I will be free of the people that are draining the life from me, In time I will have a lean body, in time I will learn to love each moment for what it is.

And that is my biggest hurdle that I am facing now, In time my husband will be home, in time my daughters will be off to school 5 days a week, I will miss them, but in that time I will be free to do whatever I like with my time.

Time Is

Too slow for those who wait,

Too swift for those who fear,

Too long for those who grieve,

Too short for those who rejoice,

But for those who love,

Time is eternity.

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Somethings been bothering me the past week, I am not sure exactly what it is but I think Its the part of me that needs more adult company, I need more stimulation in life. I feel like I always need to be on the move, and with a mind to match. I am always inspired with ideas and constantly need someone to relate to, to talk to, and to connect with.

I am always jumping from here to there in a never-ending search for new experiences and discoveries of all kinds. At times this need for continual movement can cause the me to lose direction and, it can become more important and override the actual purpose for a journey.

I am becoming increasingly more discriminating as I mature, I am not sure how to go about this, should I learn to accept, I dont know if I like this, or is it just that noone likes to accept that I may have changed, grown and now have an opinion and my own set of views on life.

I think by nature I will endeavour to remain an adolescent as long as possible, I thrive on, and love the many faces and the many small adventures that I face along my way. And at the moment all these parts of me are being crushed and smothered by my boring plateau in life.... I have been so busy with the small things in life, that I tend to get frustrated and forget to slow down and enjoy it all.
 
I have so much I feel I want to do, but it just never happens fast enough.


 

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Its taken me two days to write this blog so for now I am going to post it and I might be able to progress later.
 
over.and.out

Four Seasons

The hardest challenge in life besides our own personal struggle, is the struggle of dealing with others.

I have an affirmation on My fridge that I go to whenever I am feeling frustrated with something or someone. Especially if it is a situation that I cannot change.

No person or event upsets my mind, it is only my inability to tolerate them which makes me annoyed. Therefore with a high state of tolerance no person or adverse situation will annoy me as I have the power to change myself.

So if we have an inability to tolerate, it can be due to unrealistic expectations that we are holding onto, for so long I have been so angry and frustrated so quickly. My expectations have been too high in the wrong areas.
By taking control of my mind I can also then take control of my life.

You can take control of your mind by ordering it to have positive thoughts, and to keep determinedly thinking thoughts.

While in a pretty sad place I was pointed in the direction of  "The law of attraction". I have learnt so much about myself through reading the book that Jerry and Esther Hicks wrote, "Ask and It is given".

I have always thought I was pretty aware of these things. That if you are unwilling to change your negative attitude then your life is never going to change. Nothing happens by luck, you create everything that comes your way.

If ever I am lost and need some reassurance, My most treasured book, Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior. Enlightening in itself.
I often pick this book up and flip to a random page it always seems to have a way of being exactly what I needed to remember at that particular moment.

Hope and Fear cannot alter the seasons.

The four seasons occur free from anyone’s demand or vote. The natural law and order of this world is not “for” or “against” you. There is a natural law and order that allows you to survive, which is basically good. We often take for granted or reject this basic law and order in the universe, but we should think twice. We should appreciate what we have. We should feel that it is wonderful to be in this world.

 

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Today has been tough, The sun was shining so brightly today, it was beautiful and warm, I so wanted to soak it up... But I couldn't, I was tired, and withdrawn from the beauty of the days radiance.

In our house it was a solemn sense of loss, like a wilted flower, the colourless rainbow.... the wounds are still raw, our eldest daughter is just pining for her daddy. She was distracted with hunger at the airport but once she realised he was gone, and he wasn't coming back for some time, it was tears of complete despair. My heart aches, for her, and for myself. So we took to the blankets after lunch and had The Nana nap that I so wished for yesterday, on a sunny winters day. We where all feeling each others pain. We slept for 3 hours.

Back to the loneliness of making dinner for two wee ones that are so dependent, yet so unappreciative. I know this is just a child's trait, but the only way I will get a standing ovation around here without hubby is if its free meal every night, their choice. Garlic bread and macaroni cheese for 2 months it would be.

I think I might have a night off tonight and just sip tea and feel sorry for myself, and Get up at the crack of dawn, exercise, shower, and beautify, hopefully all before the Girls are up. *crosses fingers* This is my ultimate goal!

Over and out for tonight I am going to go for a bath with the little fairies, its a bit cold for limited accessory dress ups at the moment. They should be playing Eskimos instead!

xxx

solution focused

So much to say.... And so much room to write it... Here I go.

I have been trawling the "Blog spots" of some truly inspirational Man and Woman that I have come across through my 12week challenge with Ideal Bodies Online.

"When it's something you truly wish to do, there's a way to get it done. There's a way to cut through all the objections, obstacles and excuses, and to make it happen."

A truly inspiring read Finding Focus after forty

No matter the dream, there is always something that gets in the way, its the way we overcome these obstacles that matters. The key word being overcome....

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It seems that good help these days is hard to find. So many are reluctant to help, to understand that we all have different needs and priorities, is it so wrong to have your Health and fitness at the top of that list? You would think so after the strange and slightly unsettling comments and looks I have had over the past 3 weeks.

Having your husband away so often for so long, it gets a little lonely, you start to go a little insane, and it feels like sometimes... no one really gets it, let alone the difficulties of not having anyone to help out when you really need it.

I take my hat off to all the single mothers in the world, its hard enough being a mother today, with the slaughtering that we receive from every man and their dog.

I cannot wait to move away from all the extra important people in my world, as maybe distance will make our bond a little stronger, lessen the dependency and create a stronger connection and want to see one another. *shrugs* who knows I can only hope huh.

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Practice what you preach. Don’t talk about the theory, live the reality.

I really feel like this journey that I am on is the beginning of me finding myself. I have always wanted to be a fit, healthy human being, and I am finally living that reality, it is hard, I wont lie, and some days I just would prefer not to get out of bed, but the reality is, I have to anyway.

I want to live a long prosperous life.
I want to see my children's children come into the world. I want everything in between to be as magnificent as we can make it, and maybe even more, and I want to be everything that I believe in. I want to be my own role model. Surely it is creatable.

I have so much I want to live for, and I really believe that I have the willpower to flourish into the human being I so desire.

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Having my amazing Husband home for the past five days, has been, a breath of fresh air, like my summer has come in the middle of winter. He is the most amazing father... He has been working for over 2 months straight, and would you believe it.. the poor guy didn't get one sleep in, I got sleep ins until after 8 every day he was home. He's a keeper.

So back to the changing over of having a father/husbandless routine tomorrow. Back to late night workouts and eating alone. I feel a sense of sadness, more so for our little ones, they have loved having daddy here, playing non stop, having loads of fun.

It has rained most of the week but we have managed to cram a fair bit in that time, especially now there are no daytime naps happening in our house anymore. Oh how I miss a nanna nap on an rainy winters day with my baby snuggled into the warmth of my body, while I breath in that baby goodness smell..

Its too late to go dive into bed for a nap now.... let alone dream about it.... I must take myself into the kitchen to cook one last wholesome family dinner for My Family, we have friends and family heading over tonight. Sucks for me to be eating raw broccili and tuna while they have home made pizza. Such is life. I will have a bikini body if it kills me.

"The first wealth is health."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Obstacles

“The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.”

So my treadmill has just blown up again it was only fixed about a month ago, I am a little frustrated as I was keen for a good run to burn off today's intake. This time I have a back up, I am going to get my mums treadmill until mine has been repaired, which I hope isn't too long.

I have been exercising at night which has been good so far, but I would like to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I may get more out of my cardio that way, other than the fact that most morning I don't wake up too easily and within the first ten minutes of being on the treadmill I feel quite lethargic and nauseous. now that my fitness is a little better maybe it wont be so hard.

I have felt so wonderful since deciding to change my life through healthy eating and exercise. Movement has bee like medicine for creating change in my physical, emotional, and mental states. I am so much happier, and obviously have a lot more energy. It feels wonderful! I highly recommend it.

I have made a no excuse policy when it comes to my workouts, and realise that when it comes down to it, little amounts of effort and sacrifice equals little results.

When it comes to food, it feels wonderful to be able to turn down the unhealthy foods, I feel a little sense a self accomplishment every time. I am sticking to this and I know that a great body starts in the kitchen!

I think I’d like to be remembered as someone who beat the odds through just plain determination. … that I persevered. Because I think that being somewhat of a pest to life, constantly plaguing and pursuing, will bring results.

Sylvester Stallone

Brevity and conciseness are the parents of correction

Reading, sooths my anxiety about things that I cannot change. Even if it is a simple affirmation, a positive quote, or a chapter in a book about keeping the mind positive.

I have found a lot of enjoyment in reading of late, writing and creating. I find that if I come back and read over what I have written here, it helps me reevaluate the situation at hand. Or the way I was feeling at the time, and if I have found a solution.

My recent writings about the enjoyment of children was probably the most passionate I have been yet, and as much as it might seem that I think I am wonderful mother with no faults, this is far from he truth, I get angry, I yell, I curse and I get extremely upset. I have a bit of a problem with how quick I am to react without thinking. In saying that I am also very conscious of the way I react to things, I almost instantly feel a massive ray of heat come over me, lets call it a guilt wave. Because I know, that I have reacted in a rather appalling manner.

I think if you are at least conscious of the way you act, then you can try your hardest to make things right next time the situation arises. Which in the case of children, is usually more than once a day.

The main reason I am writing about this today is because I am feeling guilty for the way I acted last night when all i wanted to do was go to bed, and the girls where getting out of bed every 5 minutes and I still hadn't done my workout, my rest day was Saturday, and I really don't want to get off track so soon.


I must remember #1 My Children come first

As I write this I have heard a news update on the television, 3 more Australian Soldiers have died in Afghanistan, so that is a total of 5 in the past fortnight, 2 are severely injured. My heart breaks as this is so close to my heart.


Lest we forget those who have given their lives for our freedom, for our quality of life. These Men are Sons, Brothers, Fathers, Grandsons, Best mates....~~~HEROES~~

“Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.” -Margaret Cousins

The people who run around making absolutely no effort to make their, or the people around them have a beautiful experience here on earth.. The ones who deliberately run around purposely hurting others. Should take a long hard look at themselves. Take a moment to realise the reason they have the FREEDOM to be such arse holes, to have such skewed perceptions of what is right and wrong, to have their priorities so wrong.

I would never ever want to hurt any with malicious intent. What the fuck provokes these people, to be so god dam materialistic. So selfrighteous.


My heart is so full of sadness, that these mothers, fathers, grandmothers grandfathers, wives, children, best mates, have just lost someone so dear to them, they have given a huge part of themselves for our freedom.... their lives will never be the same, and there are so many oxygen thieves out there who have absolutely no gratification for any of it.

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus

So many are anti-war, but do they have any idea that, the reason they are entitled to an opinion, is because of these Men and Woman who gave their lives. Do they really have any idea!?



They went with songs to the battle, they were young.

Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.

They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,

They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them.

As I tuck my children in on my way to bed tonight, I will thank these men and woman, for that we are safe, and without a doubt some of the luckiest people on Earth.

Lest we forget. RIP. I am forever grateful.

"Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine perception. Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude. Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road." -John Henry Jowett

Living instinctively

We are bought up in a world that teaches us to ignore the unconscious mind, the goose bumps and the chills that we get when we know instinctively that something is not right.

I have realised that when I meet someone and for no other reason than I feel that uneasy feeling they more than likely are an untrustworthy, unhealthy person for me.. I have made so many wrong turns because, it seemed like the right thing to do for someone else.



Stepping up and taking control of my life, following my gut, my heart, my head... I am going to live more instinctively, and most importantly, teach my children the same. To be a selfless mother and wife, in order to have a healthy functioning family life.

There are so many circumstances where children are given the brush off, "just do it, because I asked you to", Giving them no explanation, other than, "I asked you to". They are not our employee's, we had them because we wanted them. We dot not pay them to be here and do work for us. They are here for our enjoyment, to share our lives with, they are part of us, so why treat them any other way than the way that you want to be treated.

On Friday I went along to a Mem Fox Presentation, Mem Fox is a well knows children author, she wrote, possum magic, wombat divine, the magic hat... and so on.
Her presentation was uplifting and full of abrupt home truths. She is an amazing woman, an inspiration. She spoke about reading aloud to your children, from birth to 4years every day, three times a day. In that time your child would have been read 1000 books, or 1000 times.
If you can not read to your child for 10 minutes a day, then why have children at all? It enrages me that people have children and don't make the time for them. Is it not common sense that when you have child there are sacrifices, in every aspect of your life, sleeping patterns, eating, exercise, social life, money matters, work, and even your prized possessions get packed away from the inquisitive little hands...

Its all about balance, and getting your priorities right. By no means am I perfect mother, I have had my fair share of neglectful days, where I am so tired and just can not be bothered.
Happiness is in the now. Right now in this very moment, I am ecstatic at the pumpkin soup I have been presented with made out of gluey cut up paper, and fluff balls, that my 4 year old has made me. She sat down and thought of her mother while making this absolutely Delicious interpretation of my magic pumpkin soup.

Children are a blessing, and we as parents need to make choices, based on instinct and knowledge. The way we where raised is a huge factor, but we know what is right and what is wrong. Raising your hand at a child is.. not only wrong, but it teaches them, that's the way you deal with anger.
It most certainly is not ideal, and I think that there are times when you catch yourself in a fit of rage over something as small as the 23rd time you have had to clean permanent marker off you kitchen table, vertical blinds, freezer or fridge. Its not the child's fault, it is yours, for leaving the temptation lying around, for the little hands to find and go for gold on your family possessions, they are just that a possession, simply a superficial ornament that makes life and your house look the part.

We are raising children in a modern society where there is so much information that we must cypher through, and form our own opinions based on the information that we gather.

Parenting today tomorrow and yesterday is a reward in itself. But we must make the most of every day, and if we can go to bed and know that we have done our best, we have spent quality time with them, and taught them how to deal with  daily situations, encouraged them to be themselves and nurtured their personalities, that is the best we can do.
It  might sound like a lot, and it is, but that is what parenting is about. Its being a provider, a friend and a teacher.

I am struggling today to find balance, as I am sure 10 thousand other mothers are. My children are playing happily with their craft goodness, and I am here working through my thoughts.

If there is one thing that I can get from this session of bloggyness.. is that I need to follow my instincts, instead of letting my anger get the better of me, or allowing something or someone to upset me. I need to accept that life is hard, and its not getting any easier. I need to enjoy every moment with my children, and thank god they are healthy and happy, and to know the importance of parent child bonding.

Some wise words from Mem Fox, gives me hope that one day people will accept the plain hard facts, hopefully not too late.

"The reaction. It's quite normal for people, when we’re threatened by an inconvenient truth, to react with rage, then denial, and then ridicule of the person who relayed the news. Eventually acceptance follows".