“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
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I have been trying to make this post for a while,
Not being in the most emotionally stable place, has made it really difficult to sit down and write.
Whenever I go through difficult life changes that require a lot of my energy I tend to forget why I am here, and everything that makes me happy goes out the door.
I really enjoy writing, like i have said before its like therapy, and I love coming back and reading over my old posts.
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I don't know if its just me, a Courtney Attribute or a just a typical human thing, but I feel that I am a pleaser, I tend to have to make sure that everyone else is ok and my needs go out the window. Everyone elses need end up being more important my own.
Then how is it possible to make the right choices and be happy when it hurts so many others for you to make these decisions... is it a matter of just waiting and eventually they will be ok, and they will accept that it was the best choice.... is it just time... time to grieve... time to heal.
There are some really significant life changing events going on right now, the hardest part being that I have to make decisions that affect others, and I am not very good at this.
I am always tip-toeing around the people I care most about and tend to end up being a little dishonest as I try to make sure they are not going to be upset with me or speak badly about me, for my views and opinions. I care so much what others think... its that role model thing.
As a child there where a few beautiful happy woman that I saw around me, that I really wanted to be like, everyone seemed to like them, they where bubbly and bright and they made me want to be just like them.
Since then I have learned that not only where they not happy, they had their own things going on and their own life stories of pain and difficult choices.
I don't know where this road is leading. Life’s going to be very different. But in the end, I cannot foresee the future, and I cannot change the past, so I am here living in the now. This very precious present.
I am trying so very hard not to eat my emotions, the planning with food etc is very difficult when you just feel like curling up in a ball and forgetting about all that needs to be done.
"Success is holding on, when you feel like letting go"
- I now have this tattooed on my my side, I will never forget it.
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"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change we seek."
- Barack Obama
So as for now, I am just trying to be that role model, the mother that I see happy and content with the small delights that children bring to our every day life. Its really difficult at this time, as there seems to be no light quite yet. But I am sure it will come, it will begin to shine through. I just have to be patient.
“You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future”
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“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday”
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"The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials."
-- Chinese proverb
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